5 Steps to Transformational Happiness
I woke up this morning thinking about my son. He’s 19 now and on his own journey to find the things in life I once searched for. He wants a good education, a good-paying job, and other things I’m not always privileged to know about. His journey mirrors mine in many ways. It takes me back to my younger years, when I stumbled through life trying to reach a time and level of maturity that would allow me to find the wisdom and knowledge that would become my compass.
My internal compass put me on a path that was often overcomplicated by my own naivety and mistrust of the process. I wanted to know it all without experiencing anything. I wanted to have it all without doing the hard work first. And I wanted to see it all without correcting my poor spiritual eyesight. In all honesty, as a young adult I thought I was ready for the happiness I believed I deserved, even though I didn’t yet understand what real — transformative — happiness was.
So I kept living. And every day brought challenges I had to overcome. Every challenge exposed flaws in my understanding of life, in my goals, in my faithfulness, and ultimately in my perception of what a happy life could be.
These challenges led me to a greater understanding. They put me on a new path to find the simplest way to a life of peace. One I can share with my son and others like him. One that can make this journey less complicated and more enjoyable. So here are five ways to find happiness, from the heart of a fifty-something-year-old woman with so much more good life to live:
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1. Accept Your Past.
Your past is an unchangeable chapter of your life’s story. It has power and perspective. It carries the memories you love and the pain you hate. It is part of who you are — fact. But another fact is that it’s gone, like water rushing down a fast-flowing river. It will not return to hurt you unless you let it. Your past was never meant to stagnate your growth; it was meant to bring you wisdom and to contextualize your present and future.
So when you accept it — all of it, including what and who hurt you and why — you become whole and powerful. Acceptance doesn’t mean letting people get away with hurting you. Sometimes acceptance means sharing your pain out loud, writing a letter to your oppressor, or speaking your truth. But for every painful memory you mourn, find a happy one to relish. Let that balance help you move forward.
2. Heal From Pain — Don’t Let It Linger.
Healing is sweet. We often think only the sickest people need healing, but I disagree. We all have something to heal from — whether it’s the broken heart of a painful divorce or the ache of losing a friendship. We all deserve to heal, rest, refocus, and prepare to move forward.
Healing should follow every difficult moment in your life. If you can’t pinpoint your healing period after a hard time, then you probably still need it. So go back. Think of those really hard moments and decide what your healing process should be. Maybe it’s affirmations on the bathroom mirror. Maybe it’s a relaxing solo vacation. Maybe it’s therapy. Whatever it looks like, healing must be on the menu for true happiness.
3. Offer Grace.
Your imperfect self is worthy of grace. Grace allows you to forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made — even the big ones: the people you hurt unnecessarily, the money you spent when you didn’t have it, the times you yelled at your kids because you were hurting inside.
Grace is needed and deserved. What I’ve learned is that when you fail to give yourself grace, it turns into guilt. Guilt haunts you, constantly reminding you of your imperfections and blocking your path to happiness. So offer grace to yourself and to others, and seek what is true and honest as you walk toward peace.
4. Seek Love.
Now, the romantic in me is speaking. Love is the gift God gives us that transforms everything. We were never meant to be alone. So stop watching those social media videos that glorify isolation as a badge of honor.
Seek love — not little “l” love, but BIG “L” LOVE.
First, seek love of self. Fall in love with who you are.
Then seek love of others — your family, your friends, your community.
Then seek romantic love — a companion’s love.
This trinity of love will bring you so much joy that you will wake up each day feeling fulfilled.
5. Quiet the Noise: Believe in Something (or Someone) Bigger Than Yourself.
When tough times come — and they will — most of us focus only on the disappointment. We become consumed by a “why not me” attitude. Why didn’t I get the promotion? Why wasn’t I pretty enough for the good guy? Why weren’t my parenting skills enough to guarantee my child’s happiness? We sulk, we whine, and we convince ourselves the universe is against us.
What we often fail to do is look outside ourselves to quiet the noise. Without seasons of change, there can be no transformation. When life is good, we rarely seek growth. But when life is upside down, that’s when we search for a better path.
The answer isn’t dwelling in pain or listening to the voices — internal or external — that say the hurt will never end. The answer is believing in something bigger than what you feel right now. When things go wrong, instead of focusing on yourself, help your neighbor with their groceries. Give to a charity. Go to church and share your testimony. Or simply ask God to show you the good hiding within the bad.
Trust me — turning down the negative noise and replacing it with a giving heart will change everything.
Now, let’s recap: The road to happiness isn’t easy, but it is achievable. It isn’t perfect — it’s sometimes riddled with potholes — but that’s okay. Because once you accept your past, heal from pain, offer grace for your mistakes, seek the love you deserve, and place your faith in something higher, happiness will settle in like a comfy chair.
Fifty years of living has given me perspective. The hard work is worth it. Keep living, keep loving, and keep seeking what you deserve — true happiness.
1st Morning Thoughts 