Meaningful Living in the Hashtag Age

Posts tagged ‘mental-health’

How We Heal: Does the Legacy of Slavery Still Shape Black Wealth, Relationships, and Educational Achievement?

Many will read this and scoff at the idea that the past can profoundly shape the future. They will argue that looking backward—particularly at the pain and trauma of slavery—is merely an excuse, a scapegoat, or evidence of a victim mentality. They will point to the progress that has been made, the civil rights victories that have been won, and the extraordinary achievements of a strong, resilient, and resourceful people as proof that the past should no longer matter.

For these reasons, I need to be clear about something: My intention in writing this piece was not simply to put words on a page, but to provide a firsthand perspective shaped only by my lived experiences. These observations have been formed through years of living in a Black body, countless conversations, and more than 50 years of asking questions about what it means to be Black in America.

What I’ve learned is that pain does not always begin with the person carrying it.

Sometimes pain is inherited.

For African Americans, the trauma of slavery did not end with emancipation. The physical brutality, family separation, economic exploitation, and systemic dehumanization experienced during slavery created wounds that have echoed through generations. Researchers often describe this phenomenon as intergenerational trauma — the transmission of emotional, behavioral, and social consequences from one generation to the next.

The transmission of pain is not about blaming previous generations. Our ancestors survived unimaginable circumstances and often did the best they could with the resources available to them. However, understanding how historical trauma continues to shape our communities is essential if we hope to heal and create healthier futures.

Below are three ways pain has been passed down within Black communities — and what we can do to interrupt the cycle.

1. Economic Trauma and the Wealth Gap

Slavery denied Black Americans the opportunity to accumulate wealth for more than 250 years. Following emancipation, discriminatory policies such as Black Codes, sharecropping, redlining, and employment discrimination continued to limit economic opportunity.

The consequences remain visible today. According to data from the Federal Reserve, the median wealth of White families is several times greater than that of Black families. The median wealth (or median net worth*) of White households is $284,310, while the median wealth of Black households is $44,100. In other words, for every $100 in wealth held by White families, Black families hold approximately $15.

This wealth gap affects housing, educational opportunities, entrepreneurship, retirement security, and the ability to pass assets to future generations.

Because many Black families have experienced generations of economic instability, financial fear often becomes part of family culture. Children may grow up hearing messages such as:

  • “Don’t take risks.”
  • “Just get a stable job.”
  • “We can’t afford mistakes.”

While these beliefs are understandable, they can sometimes discourage entrepreneurship, investing, and long-term wealth building.

How We Heal

  • Teach financial literacy in homes, schools, and churches.
  • Normalize conversations about investing and wealth building.
  • Support Black-owned businesses and community economic development.
  • Create estate plans and intentionally transfer assets to future generations.

Healing economic trauma requires moving from survival thinking to legacy thinking.

2. Family Separation and Relationship Challenges

One of slavery’s most devastating practices was the routine separation of families. Husbands, wives, parents, and children were bought and sold as property. Family bonds were repeatedly broken by force.

Generations later, many Black families continue to navigate the effects of disrupted attachment, fears of abandonment, and distrust. Researchers have found that traumatic experiences can influence parenting styles, relationship behaviors, and emotional development across generations.

Family separation also has a significant impact on wealth building and quality of life. A 2021 study by the Institute for Family Studies found that married Black Americans have more than three times the wealth of their unmarried peers — approximately $230,000, compared with $65,000.

According to Essence magazine, Black Americans have the highest divorce rate among the nation’s major racial and ethnic groups. Data cited by the publication indicates that only 30% of Black adults are married, compared with 48% of the overall U.S. population. Fifty percent of Black adults have never married, compared with 34% of the general population. Divorce is also more common among Black women (38.9%) and Black men (38.7%) than among other racial and ethnic groups.

In many families, expressions of love were replaced by lessons in survival:

  • “Be strong.”
  • “Don’t cry.”
  • “Handle it yourself.”

While resilience is a strength, emotional suppression can create barriers to intimacy and healthy communication.

How We Heal

  • Normalize counseling and mental health support.
  • Practice emotionally healthy communication.
  • Create safe spaces where vulnerability is viewed as strength rather than weakness.
  • Build relationships based on the spiritual principles of forgiveness, understanding, and grace.

Healing begins when we give ourselves permission to feel, process, and express emotions that previous generations may never have had the opportunity to address.

3. Educational Mistrust and Internalized Limitation

During slavery, educating enslaved Africans was often illegal. Knowledge was viewed as a threat to the institution of slavery. Even after emancipation, Black communities faced segregated schools, unequal funding, and barriers to higher education.

Although Black Americans have made extraordinary educational gains, remnants of historical oppression can still appear in the form of self-doubt, imposter syndrome, and limited expectations.

Many Black students continue to encounter environments where their history, contributions, and experiences are underrepresented. This can contribute to a belief that success belongs to someone else rather than to them.

At the same time, generations of exclusion have fostered mistrust of institutions that historically failed Black communities.

How We Heal

  • Teach accurate Black history throughout the year.
  • Increase Black representation in educational materials.
  • Mentor young people and expose them to diverse career pathways.
  • Celebrate intellectual achievement as much as athletic and entertainment success.

Education remains one of the most powerful tools for breaking cycles of inherited pain.

Moving from Pain to Purpose

The story of Black America is not simply a story of trauma. It is also a story of resilience, creativity, faith, innovation, and triumph.

Our ancestors passed down more than pain.

They passed down courage.

They passed down wisdom.

They passed down an unbreakable determination to survive circumstances designed to destroy them.

The challenge before us is to honor their sacrifices while refusing to pass unresolved wounds on to future generations.

We cannot change the past, but we can change what we hand to our children.

The passage of pain can become the passage of healing.

The passage of fear can become the passage of faith.

The passage of trauma can become the passage of transformation.

And that work begins with us.

* Net Worth (Wealth) = Total Assets − Total Debts

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5 Steps to Transformational Happiness

I woke up this morning thinking about my son. He’s 19 now and on his own journey to find the things in life I once searched for. He wants a good education, a good-paying job, and other things I’m not always privileged to know about. His journey mirrors mine in many ways. It takes me back to my younger years, when I stumbled through life trying to reach a time and level of maturity that would allow me to find the wisdom and knowledge that would become my compass.

My internal compass put me on a path that was often overcomplicated by my own naivety and mistrust of the process. I wanted to know it all without experiencing anything. I wanted to have it all without doing the hard work first. And I wanted to see it all without correcting my poor spiritual eyesight. In all honesty, as a young adult I thought I was ready for the happiness I believed I deserved, even though I didn’t yet understand what real — transformative — happiness was.

So I kept living. And every day brought challenges I had to overcome. Every challenge exposed flaws in my understanding of life, in my goals, in my faithfulness, and ultimately in my perception of what a happy life could be.

These challenges led me to a greater understanding. They put me on a new path to find the simplest way to a life of peace. One I can share with my son and others like him. One that can make this journey less complicated and more enjoyable. So here are five ways to find happiness, from the heart of a fifty-something-year-old woman with so much more good life to live:

— -

1. Accept Your Past.

Your past is an unchangeable chapter of your life’s story. It has power and perspective. It carries the memories you love and the pain you hate. It is part of who you are — fact. But another fact is that it’s gone, like water rushing down a fast-flowing river. It will not return to hurt you unless you let it. Your past was never meant to stagnate your growth; it was meant to bring you wisdom and to contextualize your present and future.

So when you accept it — all of it, including what and who hurt you and why — you become whole and powerful. Acceptance doesn’t mean letting people get away with hurting you. Sometimes acceptance means sharing your pain out loud, writing a letter to your oppressor, or speaking your truth. But for every painful memory you mourn, find a happy one to relish. Let that balance help you move forward.

2. Heal From Pain — Don’t Let It Linger.

Healing is sweet. We often think only the sickest people need healing, but I disagree. We all have something to heal from — whether it’s the broken heart of a painful divorce or the ache of losing a friendship. We all deserve to heal, rest, refocus, and prepare to move forward.

Healing should follow every difficult moment in your life. If you can’t pinpoint your healing period after a hard time, then you probably still need it. So go back. Think of those really hard moments and decide what your healing process should be. Maybe it’s affirmations on the bathroom mirror. Maybe it’s a relaxing solo vacation. Maybe it’s therapy. Whatever it looks like, healing must be on the menu for true happiness.

3. Offer Grace.

Your imperfect self is worthy of grace. Grace allows you to forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made — even the big ones: the people you hurt unnecessarily, the money you spent when you didn’t have it, the times you yelled at your kids because you were hurting inside.

Grace is needed and deserved. What I’ve learned is that when you fail to give yourself grace, it turns into guilt. Guilt haunts you, constantly reminding you of your imperfections and blocking your path to happiness. So offer grace to yourself and to others, and seek what is true and honest as you walk toward peace.

4. Seek Love.

Now, the romantic in me is speaking. Love is the gift God gives us that transforms everything. We were never meant to be alone. So stop watching those social media videos that glorify isolation as a badge of honor.

Seek love — not little “l” love, but BIG “L” LOVE.

First, seek love of self. Fall in love with who you are.

Then seek love of others — your family, your friends, your community.

Then seek romantic love — a companion’s love.

This trinity of love will bring you so much joy that you will wake up each day feeling fulfilled.

5. Quiet the Noise: Believe in Something (or Someone) Bigger Than Yourself.

When tough times come — and they will — most of us focus only on the disappointment. We become consumed by a “why not me” attitude. Why didn’t I get the promotion? Why wasn’t I pretty enough for the good guy? Why weren’t my parenting skills enough to guarantee my child’s happiness? We sulk, we whine, and we convince ourselves the universe is against us.

What we often fail to do is look outside ourselves to quiet the noise. Without seasons of change, there can be no transformation. When life is good, we rarely seek growth. But when life is upside down, that’s when we search for a better path.

The answer isn’t dwelling in pain or listening to the voices — internal or external — that say the hurt will never end. The answer is believing in something bigger than what you feel right now. When things go wrong, instead of focusing on yourself, help your neighbor with their groceries. Give to a charity. Go to church and share your testimony. Or simply ask God to show you the good hiding within the bad.

Trust me — turning down the negative noise and replacing it with a giving heart will change everything.

Now, let’s recap: The road to happiness isn’t easy, but it is achievable. It isn’t perfect — it’s sometimes riddled with potholes — but that’s okay. Because once you accept your past, heal from pain, offer grace for your mistakes, seek the love you deserve, and place your faith in something higher, happiness will settle in like a comfy chair.

Fifty years of living has given me perspective. The hard work is worth it. Keep living, keep loving, and keep seeking what you deserve — true happiness.

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