Meaningful Living in the Hashtag Age

Posts tagged ‘Michelle D. Jackson’

Today, I pledge to love myself.

Burdened by contrasting views about beauty and likeability, too many of us (women) suffer from feelings of worthlessness.

Based on the world’s standards, we are expected to be authentically ourselves AND entirely acceptable to others. We are to live in virtue of man AND pleasing of God. We are to expect our beauty to be fleeting YET never rest on mediocrity. We are to seek perfection in everything we do YET know it is an unrealistic pursuit.

The bar is set too high. Perfection is a fantasy.

But for those of us determined to play the game and achieve our badge of excellence (at the detriment of our sanity), we are often forced to give up one key life-empowering attribute – self-love.

Self-love inspires true greatness. It is the confidence to be kind to ourselves even when the world is not. It allows us to love the parts of our mind, body, and spirit that are different and unappreciated by others. Self-love is knowing that we are strong, courageous, and fabulous even when no one else thinks so.  

When our self-love is depleted and destroyed, we cannot feel authentic, virtuous, or beautiful. We were never born to hate ourselves; self-hatred, or feelings of inadequacy, are the results of engaging with hypercritical people, seeking perfection, and setting standards of acceptability based on the world’s demands and not our own.

Negative feelings and unhealthy thoughts easily damage the road towards true self-wholeness, self-love, and self-respect. To maintain self-love, we must embrace feelings of worthiness daily by reaffirming that who we are, regardless of our physical beauty, weight, intellect, or economic status, is acceptable. We must release the burdens of perfectionism and celebrate everything that makes us unique and extraordinary.  

Therefore, regardless of the past, I have decided to reclaim my love for who I am and who God made me to be. So, today, I pledge to love myself unconditionally.

The person in the mirror versus the person in my heart

When I look through the distorted lens of an unbridled world, I see a broken vessel, an incomplete soul, and a queen with no crown. I worry about my looks when no one is complaining. I wonder if my femininity and blackness are good enough. I question my intellect and talents. I look for reasons to be ordinary when God made me extraordinary.

Over the years, I realized that my self-love and self-talk didn’t match how I felt on the inside. On the outside, I am an overachiever who struggles to be who God created me to be versus what the world expects of me. Yet, on the inside, there lies this fantastic person with no insecurities who is filled with power, fearlessness, and uncontrollable joy.

See, in my heart, I’m a writer wielding the pen like a samurai. Crafting works of art like glowing brown faces placing limestone at the foot of The Great Sphinx of Giza. Masterpieces churn from my soul like poetry dripping from Langston Hughes’ emancipated mind. I’m a great writer, by no measure set by man, only the heavens.

In my mind, I’m a beauty queen twirling towards the sky. My white chiffon dress is covered in diamonds, and my Jimmy Choo’s have wish-granting powers. When I click twice, a harem of handsome admirers rises to greet me. But when I click three times, the world becomes my playground. 

In my soul, I’m a warrior shuttered in the trenches, strapped head to toe with armored gear, preparing to protect what I love the most. I’m a female warrior with no fear of insult or failed expectation. I fight for what makes my soul stir and gives me peace that no man can control.

So, why doesn’t the greatness I feel in my heart, mind, and soul match my self-love and self-talk? 

Unlearning the misguided lessons of self-love

Humility teaches us to stay grounded and never brag. Self-respect leads us to behave in honor and dignity. Integrity encourages us to have strong moral principles. But why is self-love untaught or considered contrite and arrogant?

Why am I taught to love others but not to love myself? Why am I left to believe that what I see in the mirror cannot reflect what I feel inside? Why don’t we tell our little girls they are beautiful even if their looks don’t match what the media defines as beauty? Why can’t we stop comparing ourselves to other women and trust that there is enough acceptance for everyone? Why aren’t we taught to battle against the negative thoughts in our mind that leads us to hate ourselves?

Today I accept a new truth. For it is not arrogant to love oneself; it is magnificent. It is feeling the cool waters of the Nile River on my face. It is standing at the top of Mount Kilimanjaro and watching the world beneath me. It is all things good, kind, and wonderful. It is accepting that my looks don’t define my self-worth, and my accomplishments don’t determine my status in life.

I’m good just the way I am.

So, I pledge to love myself today and every day. I promise to live like the warrior nestled in my soul, the queen twirling in my mind, and the writer wielding greatness in my heart.  From this day forward, my self-love and self-talk will start with happiness and end with joy. I will live, love, and linger in my extraordinary self. I will bask in the greatness and beauty of God’s imagination. I will give back to the world more than it expects, and I will love myself while working to inspire others to do the same. Today is a BIG day!

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4 Things I Learned This Week From 4 Black Authors

Every day brings a new opportunity to learn, love, and grow. Failing to take advantage of these opportunities will result in regrets. Therefore, I opt never to have regrets, but instead to be a student of life.

This week my life lessons came from four black writers who I respect — blessed with the opportunity of a lifetime to interview three of them during the BLK. INK virtual book fair hosted by the Black Writers Workspace, I learned several key life lessons from Kevin Powell, Ardain Isma, and Odessa Rose. Also, as I honored the life and legacy of the late author and activist bell hooks, I immersed myself in her words and took another life lesson with me that I want to share.

Lesson #1 — Books have POWER.

During my interview with Kevin Powell, author of 14 books, journalist, activist, and filmmaker, we engaged in an honest conversation about his autobiography “The Education of Kevin Powell: A Boy’s Journey into Manhood.”

Kevin’s book is his life story of surviving poverty and crime in the streets of New Jersey. It explores how he found his way into a world of activism and community building. It also covers the exciting role he played in the launch of hip hop music and his journey to becoming the man he, his mother, and those he loved would respect. The book is honest and raw, and I connected with his story in ways that surprised me.

Although we grew up in different parts of the country, Kevin and I are products of poor/working-class communities, hard-working and no-bullshit mothers, and a soul-stirring love of books and hip-hop music.

But with all our similarities, I left the interview learning the most simplistic lesson. Kevin reminded me that books have the power to change lives.

Books changed the trajectory of both of our lives by transforming our impoverished minds, bodies, and spirits. Books changed how we saw ourselves and our surroundings. They allowed us to dream and to expand our worldviews. They opened doors and connected us to braver possibilities.

For Kevin, books like “The Autobiography of Malcolm X” ushered in his love of activism. Because of his experiences, his writings and literary accomplishments secure his place in history as a modern-day griot, telling life stories during the rise of hip-hop and in the trenches of police brutality, racism, and sexism post-civil rights movement.

My time with him was short but meaningful. I am a better person because of our encounter, and now I’m convinced, more than ever, that black writers must keep writing.

Lesson #2 — The Black Experience IS the Human Experience.

My interview with writer, college professor, and Haitian historian Ardain Isma revigorated my interest in embracing the black experience from the African diaspora to now.

As we discussed Ardain’s journey from Haiti to America at the age of 17, he reveals the heartbreak he felt leaving his mother behind and his renewed focus on education and writing in his new homeland. As a result of his love of writing, Ardain penned two books seeded in his love of Haiti and his commitment to Black empowerment. He also hosts a YouTube interview series where authors have a platform to talk about their work, and he’s the Editor-In-Chief of CSMS magazine.

Ardain introduced me to ‘The Equality of the Human Races’ by Author Anténor Firmin, a pioneering work of early anthropology written in French by a Haitian who is one of anthropology’s first scholars of African descent. Firmin published the book in Paris in 1885, twenty years after the ‘Father of Racism,’ Count Arthur de Gobineau, published “The Inequality of Human Races.” De Gobineau’s racist tome was translated into several languages and influenced Nazi ideology. But, decades ahead of his time, Firmin’s work proved that the human races are equal.

I felt a sense of pride learning from Ardain, his love of Haiti, and his commitment to sharing the prolific life story of great minds like Firmin. Racism was purposely embedded into the foundation of nation-building. Books like De Gobineau’s helped infuse systemic discrimination and inequality in every facet of life. I left this conversation understanding that our country will never embrace unity and equality until we appreciate the black experience.

Lesson #3 — Write what you LOVE!

My final interview led me to embrace the work of a black, heterosexual, female writer who took a chance to write a fictional story about a black, gay, female character in a contemporary novel that became a featured movie.

Until our interview, I’d never met Odessa Rose, the author of “Water in a Broken Glass,” but I’d followed her work on social media. Nothing prepared me for her humble demeanor, love of words, and Baltimorean pride.

Odessa wrote “Water in a Broken Glass,” a novel about a sculptor who struggles with her sexuality and self-image. The storyline was conceived after Odessa’s chance encounter with a friend who was concerned about coming out to her for fear of how she would respond. Hopeful to help others in similar situations, Odessa’s story is a good lesson for people who are either dealing with coming out to friends and family or are having a hard time accepting the sexuality of someone they love.

Like so many writers, Odessa told the story that kept her up at night. She listened as the character developed within her spirit, and she let the story drive her to write a book that was so convincing that a filmmaker asked, and ultimately earned, the rights to turn it into a movie.

Our discussion clarified that if I’m going to be a writer, I must write! Sometimes the work will let me know it’s ready to be delivered to the world. Sometimes readers will beckon for my stories, and I must trust that the world is prepared for my greatness. Nevertheless, great writers WRITE! Odessa’s story proved this to me.

Check out “Water in a Broken Glass” on Amazon Prime or Apple TV.

Lesson #4 — Love is EVERYTHING!

This week we lost another great author, activist, and leader. bell hooks parted this life, but she did not part our hearts. Instead, she gave us the most exceptional understanding of love, forgiveness, and unity. Her life story embodies the lessons I hope to live forever. I embrace her greatness and pray it will sustain me for years to come:

The moment we choose to love we begin to move against domination, against oppression. The moment we choose to love we begin to move towards freedom, to act in ways that liberate ourselves and others.
— bell hooks, Outlaw Culture: Resisting Representations, 1994

To Kevin, Ardain, Odessa and bell hooks, thank you!

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