Burdened by contrasting views about beauty and likeability, too many of us (women) suffer from feelings of worthlessness.
Based on the world’s standards, we are expected to be authentically ourselves AND entirely acceptable to others. We are to live in virtue of man AND pleasing of God. We are to expect our beauty to be fleeting YET never rest on mediocrity. We are to seek perfection in everything we do YET know it is an unrealistic pursuit.
The bar is set too high. Perfection is a fantasy.
But for those of us determined to play the game and achieve our badge of excellence (at the detriment of our sanity), we are often forced to give up one key life-empowering attribute – self-love.
Self-love inspires true greatness. It is the confidence to be kind to ourselves even when the world is not. It allows us to love the parts of our mind, body, and spirit that are different and unappreciated by others. Self-love is knowing that we are strong, courageous, and fabulous even when no one else thinks so.
When our self-love is depleted and destroyed, we cannot feel authentic, virtuous, or beautiful. We were never born to hate ourselves; self-hatred, or feelings of inadequacy, are the results of engaging with hypercritical people, seeking perfection, and setting standards of acceptability based on the world’s demands and not our own.
Negative feelings and unhealthy thoughts easily damage the road towards true self-wholeness, self-love, and self-respect. To maintain self-love, we must embrace feelings of worthiness daily by reaffirming that who we are, regardless of our physical beauty, weight, intellect, or economic status, is acceptable. We must release the burdens of perfectionism and celebrate everything that makes us unique and extraordinary.
Therefore, regardless of the past, I have decided to reclaim my love for who I am and who God made me to be. So, today, I pledge to love myself unconditionally.
The person in the mirror versus the person in my heart
When I look through the distorted lens of an unbridled world, I see a broken vessel, an incomplete soul, and a queen with no crown. I worry about my looks when no one is complaining. I wonder if my femininity and blackness are good enough. I question my intellect and talents. I look for reasons to be ordinary when God made me extraordinary.
Over the years, I realized that my self-love and self-talk didn’t match how I felt on the inside. On the outside, I am an overachiever who struggles to be who God created me to be versus what the world expects of me. Yet, on the inside, there lies this fantastic person with no insecurities who is filled with power, fearlessness, and uncontrollable joy.
See, in my heart, I’m a writer wielding the pen like a samurai. Crafting works of art like glowing brown faces placing limestone at the foot of The Great Sphinx of Giza. Masterpieces churn from my soul like poetry dripping from Langston Hughes’ emancipated mind. I’m a great writer, by no measure set by man, only the heavens.
In my mind, I’m a beauty queen twirling towards the sky. My white chiffon dress is covered in diamonds, and my Jimmy Choo’s have wish-granting powers. When I click twice, a harem of handsome admirers rises to greet me. But when I click three times, the world becomes my playground.
In my soul, I’m a warrior shuttered in the trenches, strapped head to toe with armored gear, preparing to protect what I love the most. I’m a female warrior with no fear of insult or failed expectation. I fight for what makes my soul stir and gives me peace that no man can control.
So, why doesn’t the greatness I feel in my heart, mind, and soul match my self-love and self-talk?
Unlearning the misguided lessons of self-love
Humility teaches us to stay grounded and never brag. Self-respect leads us to behave in honor and dignity. Integrity encourages us to have strong moral principles. But why is self-love untaught or considered contrite and arrogant?
Why am I taught to love others but not to love myself? Why am I left to believe that what I see in the mirror cannot reflect what I feel inside? Why don’t we tell our little girls they are beautiful even if their looks don’t match what the media defines as beauty? Why can’t we stop comparing ourselves to other women and trust that there is enough acceptance for everyone? Why aren’t we taught to battle against the negative thoughts in our mind that leads us to hate ourselves?
Today I accept a new truth. For it is not arrogant to love oneself; it is magnificent. It is feeling the cool waters of the Nile River on my face. It is standing at the top of Mount Kilimanjaro and watching the world beneath me. It is all things good, kind, and wonderful. It is accepting that my looks don’t define my self-worth, and my accomplishments don’t determine my status in life.
I’m good just the way I am.
So, I pledge to love myself today and every day. I promise to live like the warrior nestled in my soul, the queen twirling in my mind, and the writer wielding greatness in my heart. From this day forward, my self-love and self-talk will start with happiness and end with joy. I will live, love, and linger in my extraordinary self. I will bask in the greatness and beauty of God’s imagination. I will give back to the world more than it expects, and I will love myself while working to inspire others to do the same. Today is a BIG day!